


Just Breathe

by literal_exhaustion



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F, also joyri isnt really till chapter 2, but its a happy story so, yerene is unrequited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 16:37:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literal_exhaustion/pseuds/literal_exhaustion
Summary: Yeri has been in love with Joohyun since college, but happily ever probably doesn't exist.





	Just Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> I have been sitting on this story for awhile. I've cared and loved it for a really long time so I hope you enjoy it~

The cold radiating from the the concrete permeates through your clothes, sinking into your skin and bones like it always does on nights like these. And it's not really night anymore, the final hours of Saturday are beginning to fade into Sunday morning, and your misery feels a little too much like Sunday mornings always feel. Hangovers and a heavy heart. 

You chose the karaoke bar on the corner of 3rd and Jefferson, not for the atmosphere or the entertainment, but because Sooyoung insisted it was classless to get trashed at a club the night before a sacred event. That philosophy didn't deter her from downing more than her fair share of cosmo’s and singing along to every song way too loud, but who are you to judge. Who are you to judge as you sit alone, curled against a concrete partition just outside of the bar.

You stumbled outside a while ago.The walls of the bar felt too small but even in the open air the feeling won't dissipate from your heart. Like there's nowhere to go. No air to breathe. 

One of your friends might come find you when closing call rings, but for now they are too busy with celebration and happiness and you don't want to bring them down. Not when everyone’s been waiting for this day for so long. Not when you and Wendy spent so long planning it. So you are resolute to be pitiful outside, away from everything else: the noise, the drinks, the celebration. 

But of course someone comes looking for you.

You don’t move from your sort-of-fetal-position, not even when she stops in front of you obviously waiting for acknowledgement. And when it’s clear you aren’t going to move or look up, she slides down next to you. She knocks her knee against yours once she’s fully sitting and you jilt to the right.

“What do you need Joohyun?” You croak, soft and broken. 

“You’ve been gone for a while.” 

You aren’t sure how to respond, You aren’t sure what to say. Too overwhelmed; crushed under the weight of feeling like you ruined a perfectly good night and you aren't sure how to remedy it. Breathing gets hard again and for a moment you aren't sure if you will be able to catch your breath at all, but then Joohyun starts tapping a steady rhythm on your thigh and if you focus on it you can count your breaths. Inhale for four. Exhale for four. Inhale for four. Exhale for four. 

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

A commotion at the entrance of the bar jolts you out of your focus. Voices carry and you think you recognize some of them but you are still wrapped in a ball, head against your knees. 

“Yeri!” you shoot up at your name and ok you definitely know those voices. Sooyoung is waving from the doorway of the bar, the strap of her green clutch swinging rapidly as she puts her whole body into making sure you notice her. You think for a moment that your group is going to join you and Joohyun but then you see Wendy hailing a cab and when you wave back at Sooyoung she smiles in satisfaction, before linking her arm with Seulgi’s and walking in the opposite direction. 

You watch them go. Comforted, momentarily, by the sound of their pealing laughter and soft giggling, 

By now you’ve leaned back against the partition, shoulder to shoulder with Joohyun and your thoughts don't echo quite so loudly. 

“Do you want to go home?” Joohyun’s voice comes out soft and raspy, like exhaustion is crawling its way through her. You start to nod your head but then you think of home- of the dress in the corner of your apartment, cream satin and black tulle- and you don't really want to go home and face reality. So you softly shake your head no instead. The night is still young enough; it's not Sunday morning quite yet. 

Joohyun stands up then, holds out a hand for you to take, and pulls you to your feet. As soon as you are fully standing she links your fingers with hers and leads you away from the bar. 

The cold wind nips at your nose as you walk and your light jacket does very little to keep you warm. The streets are all but empty, trash scattering around in the breeze stirred up further each time a car drives by, oblivious and fast. Joohyun is walking half a step ahead of you, humming low in her throat, you think the melody is familiar but right now you are too focused on taking each step forward. When Joohyun stops at a crosswalk suddenly, you stumble into her and while you wait for the go ahead to cross the street you lean all of your weight against her back, chin hooked over her shoulder, fingers still linked with hers. You aren’t sure where she is taking you and in another world this would be like a dream come true. In another world, you are sure, this moment would mean so much more. In this world this night will fade into Sunday morning and when it does your carriage will turn back into a pumpkin, so you don't dare to dream. 

Joohyun leads you along for three more blocks and then the buildings too your left drop off suddenly and oh. She took you to the park. The park from college that you all used to hang out in when you decided you were tired of looking at the inside of the library or your dorm or your classroom. The park Joohyun would drag you to back in the beginning, when she was just the RA in your freshman dorm, trying to keep the girl in 403 from spending the semester drowning in panic attacks. Back then she would plop you down on a swing and sit in the one to the left, always the left, of yours and she would sing in a clear loud voice while she swung, until you were swinging to. Your worries dissolving with your giggles into the crisp night air. 

Tonight, Joohyun plops you down in a swing, but instead of sitting in her own she perches in front of you, hands resting on your knees. The white of her french tips, contrasting the black of your tights. A stark reminder. 

“Yeri?” Joohyun is peering up at you when she speaks and God, God you can’t do this. 

“Hmm?” 

“Talk to me,” and you want to. You want to fill the silence with everything that's been unspoken until now, but when you open your mouth nothing comes out. You aren’t sure what to say. 

“I-I can’t. I don't-” You aren’t looking at her, but you can feel the way she looks at you steadfast. You spent so long ignoring this, the both of you, that you aren’t sure how to tell her anything. Because this is Joohyun. Joohyun, who knows to tap rhythms out on your knee so you can count off of them, so you can breathe. Joohyun, who has been your light in the dark since college. Joohyun, who you love, wholly, completely, head-over-heels, love. Joohyun, who is getting married in the morning.  
When you finally look at her, her eyes are sure, confident in the place of your anxiety.

“I love you.” You don’t mean to blurt it out but looking at her, like this, with her hands still cupping your knees and alcohol destroying any brain-to-mouth filter you have, you can’t help it. “I love you. I- God- I really really love you.” You choke on a sob and then all you can do is cry. 

“Hey, look at me.” and Joohyun’s hands move from your knees to cupping your face, brushing tears off your cheeks and when you meet her eyes they are so warm so fond. When she speaks again her voice is low and soft. “I know.” And then she smiles, bright and loving, and when you lean down, all sensible thoughts gone, and clumsily kiss her, she kisses back. She cups your cheeks with her freezing fingers but you are so so warm and for half a second you let yourself forget. Forget about the dress waiting for you in your apartment. Forget about the invitations you and Wendy spent hours putting together. Forget about the inevitable morning. It doesn’t matter, this is a moment you can’t let yourself miss. 

When Joohyun breaks away, cheeks tinged with pink and eyes shining in the park lights, the moment is gone. Slipped away like Cinderella at midnight. Joohyun walks you home after that, hand in hand, drops you off at your apartment just as the sun is starting to rise in the distance.  
She doesn’t kiss you again, just leaves you on the stoop of your apartment building, with a parting smile.  
You watch her leave. Almost wait for her to look back.  
She never does. 

 

You wake up to the glare of the sun bouncing off your mirror into your eyes, the ache of your hangover unmistakable. Its so close to how you wake up most days that for a moment you forget. Pull the covers over your head. Nestle further into your bed. But then, because reality never hides for too long, you remember that this morning isn't like all the others, that you have obligations, somewhere to be. The sunday morning sun glares off the cream satin of your bridesmaids dress like it’s mocking you. 

So you get up, the night before dissipating into nothing but a dream, and you get dressed; in a bridesmaid dress you helped pick out. 

You thought you’d be sadder and as you walk to the venue, a beautiful park on the other side of town from the one last night, you certainly feel melancholy but its not the all consuming panic you expected to feel. 

The girls are already there. Wendy buzzing around making sure all the last minute details are in perfect order. Sooyoung lounging in a lawn chair playing on her phone, long legs making her bridesmaid dress look more like a cocktail dress, like any minute she will leave to go to some ritzy party. And Seulgi applying makeup using nothing but a compact mirror to accomplish her goal.

You don’t see Joohyun at first but when you do she takes your breath away. You saw her in her wedding dress when all of you went together to pick it out, but the memories from then don’t do her justice now. Today she glows, shining under a layer of light makeup and happiness. When you catch her eye she smiles wide and so so pretty. If your heart stings a bit, that’s okay you’ve always been good at playing it off.

For something you dreaded for so long the ceremony is relatively short. A beautiful affair complete with soft twinkling lights and a warmth that contrasts the chill of late fall. The vows were beautiful too to the point that you find yourself crying, but maybe not for the reasons you expected. 

The reception is at some extravagant ballroom, but the wedding party sticks around for pictures in the park once the ceremony ends. Sooyoung is sitting next to you as you patiently wait for the bride and groom’s pictures to be done. She’s long since removed her heels and is sitting backwards in a chair tapping her bare feet against the grass. She’s on her phone again seeming wholly uninterested in the affair, so you are a bit surprised when she speaks up softly. 

“How are you holding out champ?”

You look at her incredulously.

“Im ok?”

“Really?” Sooyoung snorts. “You don’t seem so sure.”

"Im fine Sooyoung,” and you really don’t want this conversation so you make to stand up but as you do Sooyoung grabs your hand lightly. Her auburn hair is wild in the wind but she still looks like a runway model as she stares you down, brown eyes melting into something soft.

“Look I’m not gonna pretend to understand. You and Joohyun have always been… complicated? For lack of a better word. But you’ve been different since she announced she was getting married. Maybe I’m overstepping but we are friends too and I haven’t seen you look so dull since your parents tried to force you to major in engineering.”

“Gee thanks,” you say it bristley, feeling sort of like a porcupine getting cornered. Sooyoung just looks at you fiercer, still gripping your hand in hers.

“Will you listen for once to your elders you brat? You know I don’t mean it like that. It’s just? Ever since college it feels like you’ve been reliant on Joohyun for your happiness,” she insists, voice low and even. “I know she helped build you up during a rough time and I know not a lot else can compare to that but I don’t want to watch you disappear into yourself cause you feel like that’s all there is to do. Maybe you don’t need to hear this. Maybe you know or I’m wrong and don’t understand completely. But you’ve come a long way and that's not just attributable to Joohyun. You did that too. You worked hard. When I met you, you seemed so lost. Just a pretty girl a couple years younger than me who had no idea who she was but you are so much more than that now and I guess I want you to know that there’s more to life than Joohyun.”

You open your mouth once again uncertain what to say. You expect to start to panic getting called out like that but Sooyoung is still holding your hand grounding you with a soothing back and forth of her thumb against your knuckles. 

“Just think about it. When it gets dark just remember that this moment doesn’t define the rest of your life.” And with that Sooyoung gets up, sliding her phone into her bra and grabbing her shoes, before gliding barefoot across the park to where Seulgi and Wendy are goofing off, joining them in their play by tackling Wendy with a bear hug.  
You feel lost for a moment. Never expected Sooyoung to confront you like that, but something about the confrontation makes you feel so much lighter than you thought would be possible on today of all days. 

You take a deep breath. Inhale for a moment through your nose and hold it before expelling the breath with force. You reach down to remove your flats. Then you stand up. Feel the cool grass between your toes. Stretch your whole body to touch the sky. And then you run, tackling Seulgi before she can tag Wendy and that’s it. That’s all it takes to dissolve into giggles. To forget your hold ups for a moment and just breathe. 

(Joohyun watches from a distance, momentarily distracted from her pictures by you all giggling and playing tag and when she smiles it’s not for the camera, but for you. Her dear friends)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it~ Full disclaimer it was originally a Taedy Au but Ive reworked it so many times that by the end it felt more realistic to have it be Yerene. I will at some point soon, if times permits be posting an epilogue of sorts that will be Joyri oriented. Anyways please feel free to leave input in the comments or Kudos I really enjoy both. If you would like o discuss Red Velvet with me please feel free to hmu on Tumblr @daelightsaving.


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